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Top Ten phrases showing you should avoid this mum at all costs….part two

We’ve warned you about the lentil-clad psychopaths, now we’re urging you to avoid those toddler group mums who call their children ‘Jack Danger Smith’ so they can boast that their middle name is danger’. Here are the top ten clues:

  1. Honestly! It’s health and safety gone mad isn’t it? It’s only mains electricity
  2. He’s got a highly contagious skin disease, but you get cabin fever if you stay at home don’t you?
  3. I don’t waste money on expensive toys – Flossy is perfectly happy stacking dishwasher tabs into a tower and knocking them down with a fork
  4. Oh I’m sure he won’t choke on a peanut! Let’s try and see how he goes
  5. Oh I love going to soft play
  6. My top tip for getting an hour’s shopping to yourself is to leave your child in Starbucks. There are so many prams in there everyone just assumes yours is part of one of the NCT reunions
  7. Why not come round and watch Saw III? My 13 month old loves watching the vivid colours
  8. Look, I’ve taught Flossy how to drink coffee, isn’t it cute?
  9. No, no, let him keep the kitchen knife, he’s got to learn hasn’t he?
  10. I’m usually free on Tuesday nights because that’s when my husband goes cruising for hookers – wellI’m never having sex with him again.

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