Three cheers for #breastfeeding week. Breastfeeding should be totally fine whenever and wherever… But here are a few locations if we’re totally honest we found it hard to breastfeed… Please share yours…
#1 At what turned out to be the bus stop for the local sightseeing bus
#2 At the ‘family friendly’ room at a service station
#3 In front of a terrified friend- who couldn’t take his eyes off my face to the point of lunacy
#4 On a Keeping It Touch Day – whilst having my appraisal
#5 In a field that turned out to be full of milking cows. Too weird
We’ve warned you about the lentil-clad psychopaths, now we’re urging you to avoid those toddler group mums who call their children ‘Jack Danger Smith’ so they can boast that their middle name is danger’.
Having to sit on the potty yourself to prove that it IS SO FUN!
Realising there’s no point buying a new carpet/curtains/sofa for another five years
Trying to dye your existing carpet/curtains/sofa a sensible shade of brown
Trying to pass off your newly dyed carpet/curtains/sofa as Laura Ashley’s “mirage of maroon” range.
Realising the consequences of the gaps in your floorboards
Your child having a back bottom incident in Sainsbury’s. Having to tuck your child’s trousers into their socks so you can get out of Sainsbury’s and into a public loo without them ruining their shoes
Having the above scenario with a daughter in a skirt
Realising it’s not chocolate mousse in the mixing bowl in the cupboard
Wondering if you are a bad parent for gagging at the sight and smell of a full potty from your beloved offspring
Worrying about your childcare – Using a new parents irrefutable logic, thinking that if you’re gagging, what hope does the nursery/nanny/childminder have?… Are these people desperate or twisted or both? Oh my God, there’s only one possible answer – they are so addicted to cocaine that they can no longer smell!!!
Post a comment…I’m sure you can top these….what are you potty-training lows?
Wow! Mrs Smythe’s suggestions for Show and Tell items have really put the cat amongst the pigeons. We’ve had an email from Mrs Smith in Bristol calling it “elitist claptrap”. So in an attempt to promote the balanced, supportive debate we hold so dear at HH HQ, we’re publishing Mrs Smith’s alternative list here …
A collection of pubic hair
Mummy’s police mugshot
The biggest poo you did all weekend
A bed bug
Rolex watches for sale at £10.99 no questions asked
A pitbull mastiff crossbreed
An illegal immigrant*
*The Helpful Humour editor would like to point out that #10 would need a CRB check before entering school premises